Your To Take - Connaghers 03 Read online

  Here I go again, worrying about what everyone else will think. She scowled at herself, which made Jesse arch his brows with surprise. She forced a laugh and let her hands settle on his shoulders. Much safer than playing and tugging on that tempting ponytail. “Sorry, I’m hearing Mama’s voice in my head. Either way, we’ll be fine.”

  “Do you think he’ll make it?”

  She hesitated. There could be a million and one very justifiable reasons Elias might be delayed. If he got a big break in a case, or there was an accident on the freeway, or a murder in his district…

  “I made it.”

  They both jumped at his voice, guiltily, like he’d caught them doing more than talking about him. Leaning against the doorjamb, he gave her a sardonic wink. He’d already dressed for the evening. Dark to Jesse’s light, hard to soft, grim to demanding to light and giving, he, too, managed to take her breath away.

  He lifted his chin and pointed at the neck cloth of the black silk. “Did I tie it fancy enough?”

  She walked over and ran her hands over his chest, checking the fit, she told herself, but she already knew it fit him perfectly. She hadn’t had time to make him an entire suit—and he wasn’t in the fashion show—so he’d paired her shirt with a black pin-striped suit. The thin silver stripes in the coat helped relieve the unrelenting black, but the color definitely suited him. “You look great. Are you sure you want to come tonight?”

  “Wouldn’t miss it, babe.” He kissed her, but she sensed him watching Jesse over her shoulder. Always the cop, he was carefully cataloguing the other man’s reaction, and of course, reaffirming his claim on her in this room. His mouth wasn’t demanding or hard, so she couldn’t tell if he was jealous or not to see Jesse here with her, no matter how innocently. “I just hope the job cooperates long enough for me to stay the entire night.”

  “It’s the thought that counts. Making the appearance with me.” Her lips wobbled, so she simply skipped ahead to, “Thank you.”

  Watching Vicki come into her own made Elias so proud that his chest ached. Cameras flashed in all directions. A glitzy crowd clamored and pressed closer, sending his blood pressure rising higher. This kind of event was a cop’s nightmare. He scanned the crushing crowd constantly, watching for anyone acting strangely, who seemed fixated on Vicki or any of the other guests.

  He gripped her elbow and kept her close, but she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, every time she turned her face up to him she beamed. Her eyes glowed like starbursts had exploded in those dark depths and her cheeks were flushed.

  She’s never looked more beautiful.

  He had a sudden vision of her walking down a church aisle toward him. Would she glow as much? Could she possibly look more beautiful in a white wedding dress? Only if you have the balls to ask her.

  Surely part of that warm glow was due to the handsome young man on her other arm. Jesse cleaned up real good, too good, Elias admitted. The kid looked like a cover model for a fashion magazine. Women’s heads were turning left and right as Jesse walked by, but he had eyes only for Vicki. Hell, Elias couldn’t even blame him, because he was having a hard time looking anywhere but her direction too. This was her night, a dream come true. So by God, he was going to smile until his face broke, clap until his hands hurt, and cheer until he lost his voice as her designs came down the runway.

  And then his phone buzzed.

  Cursing silently, he pulled the phone out of his inside jacket pocket. Shit. He met her gaze and that glorious smile faltered. It damned near broke his heart.

  Ducking his head, he backed away a few steps to answer the call. “Somebody’d better be dead.”

  “Several, in fact,” Colby replied. “Looks like we’re on the verge of a cartel war.”

  Elias sighed, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her yet. He couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on her face. Someday, she’s going to hate me. That’s why I should have done the noble thing and left her to enjoy Jesse.

  Wincing, he rubbed his chest absently. “Pick me up—”

  “Already outside,” Colby broke in. “I gave you as long as possible.”

  “Thanks, man. I’ll be out in a few.”

  Elias stared down at the phone, trying to think of an easy way to break the news. Either she’d be pissed as hell or so hurt she might cry, and if the latter, then he was going to ask his partner to shoot him. If she were only pissed, then he’d have to remember to order flowers. Lots of flowers. And he’d better be nicer to the kid.

  Hell, who was he kidding? He’d already bent over backward for them. He’d watched them together and not committed murder. It was a start, right?

  Grow some stones, he growled at himself. Whirling around, he put on his best badass cop face, but immediately felt that mask slip off because Vicki stood just a foot away. By the resignation in her eyes, she knew he was leaving. Guilt tightened around his throat like a noose, but at least she wasn’t crying, thank God.

  “We’ve got trouble. I’ve got to go.”

  Smoothing the lapels of his jacket, she gave him a tiny nod. “I know. Do what you do best, Detective Reyes.”

  “Babe…”

  She smiled and he could only picture her as a kid giving a brave little smile to her rough and tumble older brothers. “It’s okay, Elias. I know you have to go and I understand. It means the world to me that you came tonight.”

  Still, he hesitated. He felt like crap for leaving, like it was his last, only chance to prove how much he cared for her. Jesse wasn’t leaving her big event. A dozen drug dealers wouldn’t be able to pry the former druggie away from her side.

  “I’m not mad.” She gave him a firmer tug on his lapels, her eyes sparking with that familiar Vicki flare he loved so much. “Disappointed, yes. Pissed, no. I understand. Go. Save people. And remember—” she leaned up on her tip-toes and brushed her mouth against his, “—that I love you.”

  It was surreal to walk down a runway. Just a few weeks ago, Jesse had been walking down the street with every precious scrap of possessions he owned on his back. Now he wore brand-new clothes he had no hope of ever affording, cameras flashed, and people applauded. None of it was real except the light in Vicki’s eyes.

  God, she was so gorgeous. She glowed with happiness. Her designs were on his back, so it was easy to saunter with pride down the runway. She made him forget the hopelessness and years of hunger and suffering. She made him forget everything.

  Afterward, they stood together drinking champagne that probably cost more than a year at his cheap shack of an apartment. Countless people came up to them, smiling, shaking hands, like he was somebody. They looked him in the eye instead of ducking their heads and quickening their steps, hoping he wouldn’t beg.

  “Is this who I think it is?”

  At the woman’s snotty voice, he stiffened. All the shame and desperation of a life on the streets came roaring back. Filth, stench, shame, he’d never be able to wash it off, no matter how many showers Vicki let him take.

  “Yes, it is.” She tightened her grip on his arm and leaned against him. Her touch gave him the courage to lift his head and meet the other woman’s incredulous stare. “Susan, this is Jesse. Jesse, this is Susan Tolbert. Are you still an attorney for Leeman & Wagner?”

  “Yes, partner now.” The woman looked Jesse up and down, as though she just couldn’t believe her eyes. “This is your artist we teased you about?”

  “He sure is.” Vicki looked up at him and smiled. It was like a cloudy sky suddenly opened up and a powerful bolt of pure sunshine beamed down on him, washing away all those bad days on the streets. “And he’s mine, all mine. I always knew he was special.”

  It was all he could do not to fall at her feet and throw his arms around her legs.

  Take me now. Please, please, make me yours.

  On the way back to her home, he kept a firm grip on his emotions. She’d claimed him in public, even to her old friends. She’d claimed him on television with Elias at her back. The only thing t
hat remained was her bed.

  He couldn’t stand the wait, the agony, the endless need, but he had no choice. In truth, he wouldn’t have it any other way, but that sure as hell didn’t make the need any less. She’d given him everything. The least he could do was wait until she was ready.

  Silently, he resolved over and over not to say a word tonight. Yes, Elias had left and would probably not come home tonight. It’d be the perfect time for Jesse to put a move on her and hope she would take him all the way this time. But he couldn’t do that to her.

  He walked her upstairs but stood in the door without entering her apartment. She talked nonstop, giddy over how much her design she’d donated had gone for at auction and how much buzz the commercials had generated. Jesse just watched, drinking in her joy and energy, while every muscle ached.

  She finally noticed that he still stood in the door. “Come in, silly. Let’s celebrate. Do you want a beer? A glass of wine?”

  Whatever weak determination she might have seen on his face was lost as soon as she took his hand. He followed her inside like a lamb to slaughter. “Whatever you’re having would be great.”

  She laughed softly and stepped closer, inviting his arms to come around her while her own wound around his neck. She dropped her head against his shoulder and his heart skipped, stumbling along to a rapid thunder of hope and dread, both. So close. If she turned him away again…

  “I already had two glasses of champagne at the party. I don’t want any more alcohol.”

  “Okay,” he murmured, trying not to let his voice thrum with need.

  “I just want…” Slowly, she lifted her head and gazed into his eyes. “You.”

  Every muscle in his body went ramrod straight. He shook with tension. Surely he hadn’t heard her correctly. “Are you drunk?”

  Laughter spluttered out of her and she tightened her arms around his neck. “No. Just ridiculously happy. I’m tired of being miserable and doubting myself, Jesse. I know what I want, and that’s you, tonight, in my bed.”

  “Elias—”

  She arched a brow at him as if to say, Do you honestly want to talk about him right now? “He knows, Jesse. I’ll deal with the fallout. I’ve been nothing but honest with you both. I waited to be sure, and I know. I know in my heart that I need you. I need you now, tonight, every night. My only question is what do you need?”

  “You,” he replied immediately, swallowing back the tumbling words of desperation and hope and love tearing his stomach apart. “Whatever you want.”

  “No. This isn’t about me. This is about you. The only thing I need is to know exactly what you need tonight.”

  He closed his eyes, trying to hold back the emotion and desperation tearing him up. She’d be horrified if she saw that ragged, dark need in his eyes, an endless black hole that could never be satisfied. Not for long, he feared. She might take the edge off, but he’d always need more, need her to go further, take him harder, longer.

  I can’t ask for too much—she might send me away. I’ll die if she sends me away.

  “Jesse,” she whispered, stroking his cheeks with her fingers. Her breath fluttered on his throat. Her body heat radiated against him, solid and warm after the coldness of the street. But it was the light in her eyes that drew his heart toward her. “Don’t be afraid to tell me what you need.”

  His eyes burned with hot guilt and shame. He trembled but couldn’t utter a word. This gentle side of hers moved him as much as the commanding, confident side. Perhaps more, because it was so precious and rare.

  “I can take it. Whatever you want, I promise I won’t let you down. I’ll see that you get it. Don’t you trust me?”

  “I do.” He panted, trying to hold back the fierce surge of need threatening to bare his soul. “I trust you. I love you, Vicki.”

  “Then trust me to take care of you.” She cupped his face in both hands firmly, digging her fingers into his cheeks to make sure he met her gaze. “Tell me what you need most of all. When you lie downstairs in your bed and think about me, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to tie you up?”

  “No, not really. It’s fine if you want—”

  She squeezed harder, a warning. “Do you need me to hurt you? I don’t have any equipment. I can call Mal if there’s something specific you think we need.”

  “No! God, no, don’t, please. I just…” He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut so he wouldn’t have to see her reaction. “Fuck me, use me, take me over and over whether I want it or not. I do, I promise, but I don’t want to have a choice. Make me raw, make me groan and beg, make me plead for you to stop even when I don’t want you to. Make me climax so hard I pass out. I don’t care. Just fuck me. Please.”

  Trembling, he waited, dreading every moment of silence and hating himself for his cowardice. He should have kept his eyes open. He should have seen the fleeting emotions in her eyes so he’d be prepared, instead of standing here dumb and blind. I’d know if I should leave tonight or sneak away tomorrow morning.

  She gripped his ponytail hard, jerking him slightly up on his toes. Hair pulled, bringing tears to his eyes, and she yanked the holder out. “When you’re in my bed, I want your hair loose and you naked.”

  His ears roared and he swayed slightly, settling back down on his heels. Words, questions tumbled in his head and he finally pried his eyes open. She smiled, a hard, cold, smile of gleaming teeth that made the hair crawl at the base of his neck even while his erection surged against his pants.

  “Get busy.”

  He jerked his pants open and his fingers flew over the buttons of his shirt. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  She tried to wait until he was actually in her bed. The sight of his gorgeous ass hurrying before her toward her bedroom, compounded by the fire in his eyes every time he looked back over his shoulder at her, made her tight and swollen with need. She’d been denying them so long, too long, ridiculously afraid, and of what? Wanting him too much? Loving him too much?

  He had to pause his headlong rush toward her bedroom to bend down and work his shoe out of the jumbled material of his pants. As soon as he straightened, she slammed him against the bedroom wall just as Elias had done to him that first night. Jesse went eagerly, even though he outweighed her. He could have pushed her off or told her to stop, but she knew he wouldn’t. That was his appeal…and his danger.

  He’ll never tell me to stop.

  He wanted to be taken however she wanted without her stopping to get his consent. That’s what he wanted most of all. The weight of responsibility settled around her heart so thickly that she couldn’t breathe. He’d never tell her no, even if she was hurting him. In fact, he wanted to be hurt, if she was the one doing it.

  Sensing her hesitation, he whispered, “I know you won’t really hurt me.”

  She pressed her face against his back and tightened her arms around him. “I hope so.”

  “If I’m ever really scared, I’ll tell you.”

  Would he? He said he wanted to beg. He wanted her to use him coldly and selfishly to please herself.

  “How about I call you ‘Beulah Virginia’ when I need you to stop?”

  She couldn’t help the startled snort that escaped her. “Yeah, that would work. I’ll jump up and look around for Mama.”

  “Your mama scares the shit out of me.”

  Her throat tightened, but she refused to let that old regret and pain tarnish this moment with Jesse. “Yeah, me too.”

  “Mal scares the shit out of me too. But you don’t, Vicki.”

  An odd sort of peace flowed over her, as though someone had wrapped her up in a warm, cozy blanket and tucked her into bed with a fairytale. He wanted her to do her worst to him, yet he wasn’t afraid of her. Blinking suddenly hot eyes, she wrapped her hand around his cock and nuzzled his neck. “Let’s see what we can do about that, then.”

  She licked and bit his neck until he sagged against the wall. His breathing was loud in the silence between
them. The harder she bit him, the more he slipped and shivered against her. She went to her knees and gripped his ass cheeks, squeezing and kneading. His thighs trembled and he groaned at the feel of her breath against his skin. The hard, rounded muscle filled her hands and refused to yield to her teeth, giving her a nice mouthful to grip and torment.

  “Vicki, please!”

  She released the bite and leaned back to trace the indentation of her teeth with her fingers. “Maybe you want to roll over then.”

  He did, immediately, which shocked the hell out of her despite everything she’d learned and done with him already. She’d never known a man who’d offer his private bits to a bite-hungry woman, even if she was on her knees. Elias would only let her have her way with him once they’d both burned off some of the fire.

  Jesse pressed his back against the wall and widened his stance like he’d need to brace himself for whatever she’d do, but by God, he was going to take it. And enjoy it. Even if it killed him.

  Holding her breath, she leaned in close and brushed her cheek against the satin steel of his erection. He let out a shaking sigh and instinctively rocked his hips toward her. She gripped his thighs above his knees, his muscles trembling. Such a turn on. Yet she lingered, making herself wait. She rubbed her hair against him and brushed her mouth against his inner thigh, but she didn’t bite.

  His breathing grew louder, more labored, his thighs shaking beneath her hands. He could have gripped her head and thrust himself deep into her mouth, but he didn’t. Not Jesse. It wasn’t in him to take what he wanted.

  He wanted to be taken.

  She turned her head and snagged his cock in her mouth lengthwise. Gripping him in her teeth firmly, she let a low growl rumble her lips and gave him a little shake like a dog with a bone in its mouth. Releasing him, she looked up at his face. His mouth hung open, sweat streaked his cheeks, and his eyes were closed, but his entire body was loose and relaxed against the wall, barely holding his weight upright.

  So beautiful. It hurt her heart to look at him, so open, willing and honest, ready to do whatever she asked. She’d never felt this out of control and yet solemn at the same time. He hadn’t touched her, but she was hot and slick, more than ready to feel him thrusting deep. Her nipples were so hard her breasts ached.