Hurt Me So Good Page 13

  “He loves you.”

  Startled, she thumped down her cup harder than she intended. “You don’t know that.”

  “Not officially, maybe, but he does care for you, Shiloh. I’ve known him a long time, and it’s obvious.”

  She really didn’t want to think about exactly how well this other woman knew him. Certainly in the biblical sense, which made her grip the cup harder and contemplate bashing her over the head.

  “It’s as obvious to me that you are falling in love with him too.”

  “I’m that transparent?”

  “Well, the screaming and moaning from the locked dressing room kind of clued me in.”

  Great, now her cheeks picked that moment to flood with color.

  Laughing, Kimberly hugged her. “Oh, honey, sorry, I couldn’t resist. So what are you going to do?”

  “March straight back to VCONN and ask to speak to him. That’s where I was headed before the same little prick who’s threatening me said you were walking off the show.”

  Kimberly’s amusement faded and her hands trembled enough that the cup clattered on the table. “I’m really sorry, Shiloh. I just can’t do it.”

  “I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t think things through better beforehand.” Shiloh hugged her back and then stood. “Thanks for the coffee. I think I have the courage to face the Master in his lair now.”

  “Anytime. Are you going to be okay?”

  My career? Sure, I can always find another job. My heart? Probably not. But Shiloh forced a smile. “Tell you what. If you want to know how everything unfolds, come back to the set tomorrow afternoon. That’ll give me time to rework the challenge, or at least stage it where the non-masochists can exit gracefully and set up the next stage. I won’t ask you to do anything that even begins to make you feel uncomfortable.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, I know the amount of work that goes into setting up the scenes and arranging the cameras. Plus, you have to write up at least a few lines for Georgia. Can you pull off a change this late in the game?”

  “Worst case we delay taping until the next day.” No, worst case was the show was scrapped altogether, but she refused to even consider that option. “Let me talk to Victor and Mal, but we’ll go over everything after lunch tomorrow. Hopefully we can get something taped in the evening and not fall too far behind.”

  “Good luck, and remember, he does love you, Shiloh. Even if he doesn’t know it yet.”

  Which only made the thought of losing him all the more painful.

  “Ms. Holmes is here to see you, sir.”

  Victor pressed the intercom button and said, “Send her straight in,” to his secretary. He’d hoped to drag her away from work early tonight, but she hadn’t been in her office, and then he’d made the mistake of stopping by his own before going upstairs. If he didn’t show up in the next half hour, Léon would be thoroughly insulted.

  Shiloh stepped inside and the ground fell out from beneath his feet. She was pale, tense, and couldn’t meet his gaze. Instead of stepping into his arms eagerly, she hesitated close to the door.

  As though she’s afraid of me.

  His stomach felt as heavy and cold as though he’d swallowed his weight in lead. He’d seen the morning-after remorse hit a Dominant countless times, not just himself. Take a date home, show them a good time, a really good time, and then in the morning, they suddenly began thinking about exactly what happened. In the heat of the moment, the scene was hot and acceptable, but later, in the cold of the dawn, some submissives were suddenly horrified by what they’d done. Maybe they were ashamed of exactly how far they’d let the Dominant go. Or maybe they were just afraid.

  He schooled his face to the calm, disinterested mask of the CEO, even while inside he panicked and thought very hard about throwing her over his shoulder and rushing her upstairs to his bed before she could escape.

  It’s too soon for me to feel this afraid of losing her. Isn’t it?

  His hand trembled as he tightened his ponytail.

  “I need to speak to you as my producer and boss, not as my Master.”

  He breathed in deeply and held it several seconds. “All right.”

  She raised her gaze to his face and his heart slammed against his ribcage. Tears gleamed in her eyes, her lips trembled, and that was the end of his careful attempt as disinterest. He drew her into his arms, tucking her tightly against him. “What is it, baby?”

  “I need to tell you something about the show, and I’m afraid…” His heart thudded so hard he almost groaned out loud. “You might fire me.”

  Cautious relief slowed his heartbeat down a bit. She didn’t jerk away from him. She wasn’t afraid of him in particular, and he didn’t get the impression that she’d changed her mind after what had happened on the show. No, something else was bothering her, and the relief almost had him sinking to the floor on his knees and praising the Lord.

  He kept his arm around her but drew her over to sit before his desk. Sitting on the edge of his desk, he planted both hands on the arms of her chair and leaned down to kiss her. Her mouth trembled beneath his and he felt her breath hitch in her throat. “Why would I fire the one brilliant woman who brought the perfect show to me?”

  Who made me face the darkness inside and showed me the light on the other side? Who isn’t afraid of me—when I am?

  “I have a private blog that I’ve been keeping for months. It’s always been a habit of mine to keep a journal. It just helps me figure stuff out.” She searched his eyes, begging him to understand. “I started it right after I met you. I know it was stupid to put it on the internet, but carrying around a diary made me feel like a horny teenager.”

  “Hmm,” he murmured against her cheek. “I was feeling rather like a horny teenager myself today.”

  “I swear that I never mentioned you or the company by name. I never gave details that would help anyone figure out who either of us are. Mostly, it was stupid stuff, like I saw you on the way to my office one morning, so I had to stop off at the bathroom and…”

  She ducked her head, her shoulders tight, so he could very well imagine what she’d done. “So you had to get yourself off before you could face me? And then you wrote about it in this blog?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, tightening her shoulders even more, making herself as small as possible. Out of fear, or guilt? “I’m sorry.”

  He dropped his mouth lower to her ear. “Dare I hope that you occasionally used the same dirty words that you whispered in my ear last night?”

  A small moan escaped and goose bumps jumped up on her arms. “Yes. Sometimes. I just never thought anyone would find out, and what if they did? How could they know it was me or you?”

  “What did you name this dirty little blog?”

  “V’s Gift.”

  Ah. He’d wondered how she’d chosen that name for the show. “So you’re afraid that with the show coming out that some very clever Dallas viewer may track it down? And then somehow figure out who you are, or who I am?”

  “Someone has.” She lifted her chin, her eyes hard. “Someone threatened to tell you and ensure I was fired for breaking my confidentiality agreement, unless I let him win top sub.”

  Victor knew exactly who’d threatened her. He sat back and blew out his breath. “Damn. Mal is going to be heartbroken. She loves that scrawny little runt.”

  Shiloh made a small noise, and he smiled at the disgruntled look on her face. “Here I thought you might not believe me, but you don’t sound surprised.”

  “I suspected that Andy was my mole that caused us to scrap Internet Secrets. I just didn’t have any proof.” Scowling, he leaned back down close. “And I will always believe you, baby.”

  “You don’t think I’m capable of lying to you? Not that I will, but—”

  “You’re capable,” he agreed, nibbling at her lips. “And I’m more than capable of making you tell me the truth, no matter how awful you think it might be.”

  The last of the tension eased
from her shoulders. Leaning into his embrace, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I swear on your crop that I will never lie to you. I never mentioned you, VCONN, my real name or the name of our show on the blog. Just all sorts of inappropriate fantasies I’ve been having about my boss and an unnamed reality show I created to…how did you put it? Lure myself into your clutches.”

  “I should still punish you.”

  She hummed out a low sigh against his cheek. “Yes, please do.”

  “You’re incorrigible. I thought I would punish you by having you read some of these inappropriate fantasies to me out loud.”

  “I can do that.” Her arms tightened around his neck. “Andy might be a prick but I don’t know that he was leaking show details. What are you going to do?”

  Gently, he stood, removing himself from her embrace. “Let’s continue this conversation upstairs, if you’re free for dinner?”

  She stood, too, one hip cocked daringly, her chin up and high, her eyes bright and confident. “I already told you, if you’re asking, I’m free.”

  Turning back to his desk, he made himself keep the tone of the conversation light. “Then I’m asking you to spend the night with me.” What he really wanted to do was clamp his collar on her neck, his ring on her finger, his name on hers and drag her away somewhere just the two of them.

  Before she can change her mind like Kimberly did.

  “Let me run home and get a change of clothes for tomorrow so I don’t have to rush off like I did this morning.”

  He nodded and forced a smile. “I’ll see you in an hour, then?”

  Shiloh headed for the door. “We have another issue brewing on our hands too, so I need to rethink tomorrow’s taping. I’ll bring all my notes and storyboards. Maybe you’ll have a brilliant idea.”

  “The first trailers are running on VCONN tonight too.”

  “Then it’s too late for your mole to leak the show’s details—we’re going to be baring it all ourselves.” She paused, her eyes sparkling mischievously. “You did call and warn your mom, right?”

  Victor groaned. “I’ll call Mama right now. God help me.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  With a glass of wine at hand, her belly full of delicious French food and the sexiest man alive ensconced beside her on a cozy leather couch, Shiloh thought she’d died and gone to heaven. He’d even flicked the switch so the gas fireplace cast a lovely intimate glow in the room.

  “All we really need to do is delay the punishment round for the finale,” Victor said. “Then we can eliminate Kimberly and any other submissive not interested in the pain round.”

  “So we need a new challenge that portrays the lifestyle in a positive manner and with which someone like Kimberly would be comfortable. In the end, most of our viewers are going to be happier with a scene like that too, right? So we’ve done bondage, and we’re going to do punishment. What else?”

  “That’s obvious.” She turned in his arms so she could search his face. “Service.”

  “Remember, this has to be clean enough for TV.”

  “I don’t mean sexual service.” But his arm tightened about her shoulder, pressing her tighter against the side of his body. “Some Dominants love the sight of a bound submissive fetching useless things or performing small tasks.” Evidently her distaste was obvious because he chuckled. “I take it you aren’t into that kind of play.”

  “Would you rather have me on my knees servicing you or trying to pick up a drink in my teeth because my hands are tied behind my back?”

  “Hmmm,” he hummed against her hair. “Let me think about that.”

  She elbowed him in the ribs hard enough that he grunted. “If you have to think about it, then I guess I won’t do either of them.”

  “You won’t?” He slid his hand up her back to palm the back of her head. “Even if I tell you very nicely?”

  She resisted his grip, stiffening her neck and shoulders. “I would rather you tell me meanly.”

  “Would you, now.” His fingers tightened in her hair, making her eyes water. His arm weighed heavy on her shoulders. A simple flex of his arm forced her head into his lap. “You can use your hands to pass me my wine but from then on, all mouth, baby.”

  Sliding to the floor, she reached behind her toward the coffee table, blindly feeling for his glass. He hadn’t released her hair, so she couldn’t turn her head. In fact, he held her tighter, closer, his fingers digging into her skull, making her pull her own hair to do as he’d ordered.

  Which fired her blood and made her heart pound with anticipation. Phantom marks stung down her back, her skin remembering how just hours ago he’d put his mark on her body and then claimed her so forcefully. Her fingers dipped into the glass and she almost spilled it in her haste to begin. Finally, she retrieved the glass and lifted it, slowly rotating her shoulder and lifting her elbow to avoid spilling the red wine all over the carpet.

  He took the glass from her and snagged her hand so he could lick the wine from her fingers. “Give me your other hand too.”

  Rubbing her face against the growing bulge in his pants, she lifted her left hand. He gripped her wrists, straining her shoulders and making her work against his grip to get her mouth on him. She lipped the zipper into her teeth and tugged it down so she could feel the hard ridge of his erection encased in his silk boxers. Tugging her arms harder, he shifted beneath her, making it easier for her to work him free.

  Maybe the wine had taken the edge off her need, but she thought it more likely that the scene with the crop earlier this afternoon had given her the self-control to hold him gently in her mouth. She was as tender and slow as he’d been last night, making delicious love to his cock. Even his release was a low, deep groan of pleasure. No frantic need, no sharp agony twisting their muscles into a frenzy.

  She rubbed her face against his thigh, lulled by his pleasure and the steady stroking of his fingers through her hair. She watched him take a long drink, and then he lowered his glass, turning it so she could put her mouth in the same spot.

  She didn’t make any move to return to the couch; it felt too good to wrap herself around his thigh. “Didn’t you say Léon wants to open his own restaurant?”

  “Yes, and I’ve already convinced him to let me provide his financing for a share of the business. All he’s waiting for now is to finish college and save enough to purchase his building.”

  “Do you think he’d be open to serving a fantastic dinner for our Dominants?”

  “I’m sure he’d be thrilled. What are you thinking?”

  “We set up a nice dining table and you three order complicated, fantastic food that he’ll prepare. Throughout the dinner, you could give each of us small tasks to perform, service, as you said. Then at the end, you can quiz us on what you ordered.”

  “So I would ask you questions, or would all the Dominants quiz you?”

  “It’ll be better if you all quiz each of us, but I know I’ll do poorly for everyone but you.” She rubbed her face against his thigh. “For some reason, I just can’t take my eyes off you.”

  He drew her up into his lap. “Me neither, baby, but are you going to be able to let someone else win?”

  Especially her, Kimberly, his ex-fiancée, who would certainly do well in this sort of challenge and look beautiful while doing it. Shiloh swallowed her jealousy. “This is the best way to let her and the other non-masochists save face. They win, and when the Dominants offer reward—which will really be punishment—they can bow out with whatever token reward you decide to offer.”

  “My jeweler called today and said the prizes are ready.” He paused, giving her a heavy-lidded gaze that sent chills racing down her spine. “I had some work done on my collar so it would make more of a statement for the show.”

  Questions whirled and shrieked in her mind like hurricane gusts. Did you give her your collar? Did she please you like I do? Are you ever going to love me like you loved her?

  He trailed his fingers across her throat, li
ght and soft. “It’ll look fantastic on your throat.”

  “I know it’s just for the show.” The narrowing of his gaze made her bite her lip. “I mean, you don’t have to—”

  He surged up out of the couch, his hands brutal on her hips as he held her against him. Without a word, he strode to his bedroom, set her on her feet, and began removing her clothes. He wasn’t angry, but the grim set of his mouth and his silence unnerved her. “What about Andy?”

  “What about him?”

  Victor shoved his pants down his thighs and her heartbeat sped into the fast lane and kept right on going. She climbed into bed and hoped that he didn’t plan to simply cuddle and go to sleep. “What if he’s the spy?”

  “I’ll give him enough rope to hang himself once and for all.” Victor turned off the overhead light but left the bedside lamp on. He stretched out beside her, propped up on his elbow so he could look down into her face. “Remember today when you put that rope around your neck and handed it to me?”

  She nodded, searching his face for clues to what he was thinking. Shadows chased across his eyes, darkening his face, the grim face of the Master, but he wasn’t giving pain or making demands. Nor was he trying so painfully hard to be the tender, gentle lover from last night.

  “You trusted me. Even with a noose around your neck.”

  “You wouldn’t have hurt me,” she protested. “Even if we were doing a real scene instead of the show, I knew you wouldn’t risk my life or try to scare me like that.”

  “There’s no way in hell Kimberly would have done that. She didn’t have that trust in me, because she knew I was hiding. She knew there was darkness below the surface, and she had no way of knowing exactly how deeply it went.” He wrapped his palm around her throat, letting her feel the strength in his hand even though he didn’t hurt her. “Ask the question that’s tearing you up inside, baby.”

  “You asked her to marry you. Did you give her your collar too?”

  “She was a good submissive: obedient, kind, graceful, beautiful with a gentle soul. Everyone at the club liked her, except Mal, but in this, I ignored her instincts despite the ten years of friendship. I had already hit thirty and realized my life was slipping through my fingers. I wanted to get married. I wanted to give Mama the grandbabies she’s been hounding me about, and Kimberly was the kind of woman I thought she’d approve of.