Hurt Me So Good Page 14

  “I was a fool, Shiloh. I thought I was being mature and responsible, while day by day, I died a little bit more inside. I hated what I was becoming and I didn’t know how to stop it. Desperate and frantic, even if I couldn’t show it, I took Kimberly home with me to the family ranch, and Mama was barely civil to her. Incensed, I told Kimberly we were leaving and had the argument with Mama that Mal had been trying to tell me for months.”

  Shiloh stroked her fingers over his lips. “What did she say?”

  “She told me if I was stupid enough to marry a dishrag, then I deserved to drown in my own misery.” He let out a self-depreciating laugh that tore at her heart. She tightened her arms around his neck, trying to pull him down for a kiss, but he wasn’t finished yet. “I couldn’t be a Master as long as I was with her. I couldn’t show her what I really was. I couldn’t ask her to respect me, because I didn’t respect myself. I couldn’t ask her to trust me, because I didn’t trust myself.”

  He tightened his fingers on Shiloh’s throat hard enough she could feel her pulse reverberating against his palm. “How could I give her my collar when I couldn’t give her the Master? You trust me even though I haven’t completely found my way back to trusting myself, and that’s why I’ll give you my collar, if you choose to wear it.”

  He couldn’t seem to breathe while waiting for her response. He wasn’t even sure that his heart was beating. Eyes large and wet in the faint light, she drew him closer, rolling toward him and hooking her heel behind his knee. That was an invitation he could not resist, so he pushed inside her, melding their bodies together as closely as he could. He held her, skin to skin, heart to heart, breathing in perfect synchronization.

  Kissing his shoulder, his neck, his ear, she finally whispered, “I’ll wear your collar. Proudly.”

  His heart exploded into a frantic flurry of joyous determination. It was all he could do not to drag her to the jeweler’s and bang on the door until he opened the shop and let Victor have his collar so he could lock it on her neck.

  She pushed against his chest, and he willingly rolled to his back so she could ride him at her pace. God, she was gorgeous, her eyes shining, her heart in her eyes. “I want to be yours, V. I want to do everything you’ve ever dreamed about, even the darkest most secret things you’ve never told anybody. That’s why I called the blog V’s Gift: I wanted to gift myself to you, body and heart and soul. Own me, take me, use me. I’m yours.”

  Despite the warmth flooding his heart and tightening his throat, he kept his hand on her neck so she wouldn’t forget the trust she’d put in him. “Tell me what you wrote in that blog. You said you saw me, and you had to go into the ladies’ restroom. What did you do?”

  “I went into the stall farthest from the door,” she whispered, her breathing ragged. “And I looked beneath the doors to make sure no one else was in there. I thought I’d just take a few minutes to breathe and calm myself down, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

  “What did you think about, baby? All the things I wanted to do to you? All the things you’d let me do?”

  “I kept thinking that maybe someday you’d just look at me, snap your fingers and order me to follow you. And I would, Victor. I’d follow you anywhere. I’d do anything you told me to do.”

  “What if I told you to come into my office, lock the door and remove your clothes?”

  “I’ll do it, as long as you let me open your pants.”

  If she hadn’t sucked him dry earlier, he would’ve come right then at her words. He fought down the urge to simply throw his head back and pour into her. “So there in that bathroom stall, did you pull down your panties or simply slip your fingers inside?”

  She shuddered with a soft little cry. “I pulled them down.”

  He drew her down closer, changing the angle so she could grind harder against him. “How wet were you?”

  “Sopping,” she whispered. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wondered if you really were as Dominant as I suspected. And I was afraid.”

  “Of what, baby?”

  “That you wouldn’t like me, because I needed too much.”

  He let out a laughing groan that hopefully conveyed exactly how much he was liking her. “What do you need, baby?”

  “You,” she whispered against his mouth. “Hard, mean, tender, gentle, you. I want all of you, but especially the horrible stuff you don’t want me to see, because I have horrible stuff too.”

  He’d meant to embarrass her—a mild punishment—by making her tell him all the dirty things she’d written on her blog, but she turned him inside out, just as she’d done last night. Was there anything she’d ever try to hide from him? Or would she blurt out her most secret thoughts and fears without a single hesitation if he asked?

  Sliding his hand down her throat, he tugged firmly on her nipple, pinching and rolling her breast. Hard, too hard, unless she truly liked pain, and damn, did she ever. She threw her head back, her neck and chest flooding with a fresh wave of color as she climaxed.

  He didn’t try to delay his own release. How could he, when he wanted her so badly? When he wanted to reward her for her trust, generous spirit, and her tolerance for the very pain he needed to give?

  Breathing hard, he untangled from her embrace enough to turn out the light and then cuddled her close. With her face buried against his neck, she whispered, “I’m falling in love with you.”

  That quickly, she turned him inside out all over again. He wanted her love, he wanted her trust, but the thought scared the shit out of him. If she loved him, she might let him go further than she was comfortable with, just as Kimberly had done. Then he’d horrify her, scare her, hurt her too much, and he’d lose her. Losing Kimberly had been a blow to his pride.

  Losing Shiloh would rip his heart out of his chest and leave him gasping his last breath on the floor.

  He clutched her hard against him, listening to her breathe, feeling her heart beat against his chest. If he could hold her like this—and not bring out the crop—then he could keep her forever. Stomach churning, he laid there, sweating, agonizing, for hours, unable to sleep, because he knew the truth.

  She wanted his crop. As much as he did. And it was inevitable that someday he’d cross the line.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The phones were ringing off the hook. Shiloh had Victor and Mal cornered in his office, trying to plot out the best way to attack the afternoon’s taping, but his secretary kept interrupting every five minutes with another Very Important Phone Call.

  The smug bastard took every single one. Kicked back in his chair with his boots propped on his desk, he listened to every shocked complaint, giggled congratulations, and lawsuit threat with a smile on his face that grew wider with every call.

  Shiloh gave a disgusted sigh and set the script aside again until he was done. “Why is he so happy with all the complaints?”

  “We haven’t had a response like this since VCONN first opened its doors,” Mal replied. “Trust me, this kind of buzz means our ratings will go through the roof. The more controversy, the better. The newspaper and the local news stations already want interviews, and all they’ve seen is the trailer. If the mayor calls, V will treat the entire staff to the finest steak dinner with an open bar.”

  “Sorry about that.” Victor joined Shiloh on the loveseat, wrapping his arm around her. He leaned over and gave her a lingering, soft kiss, stroking his tongue inside her mouth until Mal made a disgusted noise. “Where were we?”

  The intercom buzzed again. “Mr. Connagher, the mayor is on line one.”

  Chuckling, Victor stood and headed back to his desk. “Why don’t you two make a list of all the filler things we can tape this afternoon, particularly the judging sessions. I want to be in a position to view the pilot from start to finish tomorrow.”

  Mal grimaced. “Guess I’ll be stuck with the film editors all day, then.”

  “Suck it up.” Winking, Victor sat down at his desk. “We’re going live Friday night
.”

  Walking out with Mal, Shiloh paused at the door to see if he had anything to say to her. Anything private, or at least personal after last night. Why had she told him that she loved him? Because he treated it like a matter of fact, like it was his due, and that totally pissed her off.

  She’d give him anything he wanted, but damn it, she wanted him to acknowledge her gift. She wanted him to treasure her and her love. He didn’t have to be so damned ecstatic about the controversy, not if that meant he was too busy to be on set, too busy to work out the measly details that would make the show a hit, too busy to play a scene again.

  Too busy for me.

  She knew it was silly and immature, but damn it all to hell, she’d told him that she loved him and he’d said nothing.

  Nothing.

  Not even a fucking thank you.

  “Mayor Reynolds,” Victor said into the phone in that wicked, smooth voice of his. He gave a dismissive wave in Shiloh’s direction. “What can I do for you today?”

  Grinding her teeth, she shut the door as firmly as she dared.

  Mal arched a brow at her. “So V said we were going to switch things up with the next challenge, but he didn’t give me any details. Do you know what’s going on?”

  “We’re introducing another layer of submission.” Shiloh headed down the hallway and filled her mind with the mile-long list of to-dos instead of worrying about Victor. “Some of the contestants aren’t into pain and didn’t want to jump right to the punishment round.”

  “Some contestants being Kimberly.” Mal blew out her breath in disgust. “So he’s bending over for her? Again?”

  “It was my idea.”

  “Damn.”

  That tone made Shiloh jerk to a halt and faced the other woman. “What?”

  “You already love him that much?”

  Shaking her head, Shiloh resumed walking without answering.

  “What does he think about that? Surely he didn’t ask you to take it easy on her.”

  “He doesn’t care one way or the other.” About me or her, she bit back. “As long as we make a good episode and get another phone call from the mayor.”

  “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

  “Do what? The whole show is my stupid idea. I’m not going to back out now.”

  “Love will only make it hurt more.”

  Shiloh laughed wryly. “You know me, I’m a glutton for punishment.”

  “No, I meant V,” Mal replied softly. “If he knows you love him, and then he hurts you, it’ll only bother him more. He’ll blame himself for using that love against you.”

  Tears burned Shiloh’s eyes, which only made her madder, at herself, for letting him get to her so quickly, and of course, at Victor. “Why does he hate it so much?”

  “Oh, hon, I don’t know. He was brought up to be a gentleman who took care of the womenfolk, though once you meet Mama Connagher, you’ll wonder what kind of man would ever presume that she needed anyone to protect her.”

  “I don’t want or need him to protect me.”

  “He thinks he’s protecting you from himself.”

  Shiloh groaned out a laugh—to keep from bursting into tears. “When that’s what I want most of all.”

  Mal gave her a quick hug. “If it’s any consolation, you’re scaring him to death. You’re pushing his buttons and forcing him to deal with what he’s been hiding for so long.”

  “Should I back off a little? Quit pushing him so hard?”

  “Speaking with the purely selfish reason that I enjoy watching the great Master squirm, I say no. You’re challenging him like he’s never been challenged before. If he needs you to back off a bit, he’ll tell you.”

  Shiloh couldn’t help but wonder if maybe that was exactly what he was trying to tell her. She’d assumed that he’d be more than eager to hear her declaration of love, just as much as he’d wanted to hear her submission. She wanted to please him, whatever that meant, whatever that required.

  So if he didn’t want her love…did she want to keep giving him her submission? Did it really mean anything at all to him? How could she not doubt it when he refused to give her that dark, secret side of him for which she’d been made?

  “If you really want to make your point…” Mal shut her mouth and shook her head. “Never mind.”

  “What? Come on, Mal. You know how much I care about him.”

  “V is very possessive. Most of us are. If you’re setting up this next round for Kimberly to win, then you’re going to lose, right? What if you had yourself punished by me and Patrick?”

  “What would that prove?”

  “Well, for one, it’ll drive him insane with jealousy. No Master likes to see another Dominant playing with his sub unless he ordered it. But if you can take what we dole out, safe and clean enough for the show, of course, then maybe he’ll realize it’s not just him. It’ll be a risky play, though, hon. Don’t enjoy what we do too much, because you know what that’ll do to him. You want to show that you enjoy him more, but that you can take pain when it’s not just him.”

  Shiloh’s heartbeat quickened and her stomach tightened with dread and anticipation. He would surely be furious if another Dominant laid a hand on her; he’d told her he intended to share her with no one. But Mal had a point.

  I can endure anything, for him.

  “Let’s do it.”

  Victor stared down at the platinum chain studded with diamonds. Front and center, he’d placed a large V made of more sparkling gems. Tracing his finger along his symbol, he imagined the collar lying tight on Shiloh’s neck. The image of red welts slanting down her back immediately came to mind from yesterday.

  She’ll wear my V on her throat and on her back.

  The thought sent a fierce pulse of lust through him, but his stomach churned at the same time. Despite a terrible night of sleep, he’d woken up first and had plenty of time to survey the lines of bruises down her back. She didn’t seem bothered by them, but the thought niggled in the back of his mind. Would she always bear his bruises? Was that the price she’d have to pay for his love? How could he ask such a thing?

  Will I always be so savagely turned on at the sight of my bruises on her flesh?

  Hand trembling, he covered the jewelry stand with black velvet. Patrick and Mal each had a stand on either side of his, and a flat tray held the individual necklaces they’d give each episode. For the pilot, he’d elected to use gold chains with a simple but elegant emerald heart for the ladies and gold cuff links for Andy, although rewarding the little prick would gall him to no end.

  “If the Dominants are ready, we’ll start with taping the judging ceremony for the pilot.” Shiloh paused with an expectant look at Victor, so he gave her a smile and a nod despite the misgivings boiling in his gut. “Then we’ll tape ‘Serving the Master’, followed by its ceremony, and then wait until after the pilot airs before taping the rest.”

  The contestants knelt in an arc before a low circular riser, while Victor and the other dominants took their positions on the top level behind the velvet-draped displays. Dressed in a gorgeous blue velvet riding habit, Georgia sauntered onto the set amidst brassy music that was quickly going to give him a headache.

  “Our hopeful submissives have endured the Dominants’ first challenge, learning about bondage dos and don’ts in the process. Unfortunately, three submissives will be sent home tonight. But first, let’s see what the contestants are playing for.”

  Georgia twirled around so her skirts fluttered about her and swept her arm grandly toward the Dominants. All lights suddenly went out except for a spotlight on the hostess as she gracefully took the short steps to the top. “First, we have Master P’s collar. If you would, show our viewers what your contestants are playing for.”

  With a flashing smile, Patrick jerked the velvet away like a magician to reveal a complicated bridle-collar combination mounted on a Styrofoam head. A blonde plume stuck up from the top and hung down the back, mimicking a horse’s mane,
and silver chains hung at the cheeks that the submissive would supposedly take into her mouth like a bit.

  Georgia gave a delicate shudder for the camera and raised her hand up to her throat. “My, my, Master P, that looks positively frightful. Are you sure your top sub will actually want to wear it?”

  “Absolutely,” Patrick said with another smug smile. “Or else she won’t be my pony girl.”

  Georgia skipped over to Mal’s display. “Mistress M, are you hiding tack under your cover?”

  “Of course not,” Mal drawled out as she flicked the velvet away to reveal a spiked leather collar. “I train dogs, not horses. My top sub will heel like a good boy.”

  Georgia smiled for the camera and reached out to lay her fingers on Victor’s velvet cloth. “Oh, folks, just wait until you see what Master V has hidden beneath this cover. It’s so gorgeous! I’d almost try out his crop just to have the opportunity to wear it. May I?”

  He inclined his head and let her pull the velvet aside. The camera panned in to get the full effect of the large glittering diamond V.

  Georgia fluttered her hand out toward the diamonds. “How many carats?”

  He smacked the crop down an inch from her hand and she snatched her fingers back, her eyes snapping with outrage. “Enough.”

  She drew herself up and turned a haughty smile toward the camera. “That crop is a rather steep price to pay, so hopefully your top sub will think there’s enough diamonds to justify the pain.”

  Clenching his teeth to keep the retort back, he saluted with his crop. Nothing would justify the amount of pain he’d end up giving Shiloh. That Georgia even implied he’d give diamonds simply to buy off his sub’s affections made him want to tie the woman up and give her a few sharp blows from his crop, while dangling diamonds before her.