One Cut Deeper Read online

  “I understand.”

  Releasing my hair, he slid his hand to my face and lightly rubbed his thumb across my lips. “Do you have any questions?”

  “Thousands.”

  He laughed, then stood, taking me with him. “Any I need to answer tonight before I leave?”

  Can I give you a blow job before you go? Would it be too much to ask if I could sleep in your bed while you’re gone? Naked? So that as soon as you’re home...

  As he led me toward the rear of the house, I settled on asking about the trip instead of anything too personal. Yet. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m flying to New York.”

  “Friend or business?”

  “Both, this time.” He answered my questions readily enough, but he certainly didn’t offer more concrete information than exactly what I’d asked. Business, great, but what kind of business? Why now, so close to the holidays?

  It was a game, baiting me to push him as much as he wanted to push me. It told me a lot about his personality, as my willingness to play with Sheba outside in the cold told him I’d do whatever he ordered without question. He wanted my questions. He wanted me to be clever and inquisitive, unafraid to challenge him to find out what I wanted to know.

  “Bathroom, my office, guest room.” He pointed to each door and then across the hall. “My bedroom. There’s a bathroom attached to the master suite too. Make yourself at home.”

  He didn’t explicitly tell me to stay out of any room, not even his office.

  “Call me for any reason, day or night, good or bad. Send me a text when you get the chance so I have your number too.”

  I wasn’t waiting on chances. I pulled my phone out and sent the text to him while he watched. “When will you be home?”

  “Should be before 5:00 p.m. tomorrow, although if the airport traffic is heavy, it might take me longer.”

  It seemed like years and years away. I tried not to let my misery show, but now that I’d let him in, I sucked at hiding.

  He took my hand and kissed my knuckles again. “Think about what you really want. Make sure you’re comfortable with me. If you need more time, I understand. I’ve waited this long for you, Ranay. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

  “I don’t want to wait another minute. I’ve dreamed about you for so long.”

  His eyes smoked with heat but he didn’t make any other advance. “And I can’t wait to make sure you live out every single one of those dreams.”

  “Can I live out the one I had in the office today before you leave?”

  Shaking his head, he went into his bedroom to fetch his suitcase off the bed. I waited at the door, still too shy to push my way into his private domain, though I greedily looked around the room. With white linens and soft green walls, the room had a hotel zen feel. I couldn’t help but check out the large bed and the possible bondage prospects. A lot of nice bed frames weren’t too conducive for bondage. If he had a smooth sleigh bed, that’d give me the hint he wasn’t into tying his sub up.

  I hid a smile at the massive four posters. It even had a canopy. Nice. I wonder if it was strong enough for him to string me up so I’d dangle above the mattress.

  “I promised I wouldn’t take advantage of you, and I won’t. That means no graphic displays of affection—public or otherwise—until I get back. If that’s what you still want.”

  “As soon as you walk in the door, I’m going to unzip your pants.”

  I hesitated a little, afraid I might have overstepped my bounds. I wasn’t sure how far he was willing to take these games yet. How much did he want me to push him? Could I always speak freely and be as bratty as I wanted? Or would he tire of babysitting me?

  He quirked his lips and brushed his fingers over my mouth once again. “If that’s the way you wish to say ‘I missed you,’ then be my guest. Do you have any plans tomorrow evening?”

  It didn’t matter if I did, because I’d wipe my calendar clear for a week if that meant I’d end up in his bed. “Not until Christmas Day with my family. Maybe some last-minute shopping tomorrow. Will it be okay if I leave for a few hours?”

  “Of course. You don’t have to stay here with Sheba every minute. She’ll be fine for a couple of hours alone. I just don’t like to leave her all night and all day without some company. Now I really have to go. Come here, kitten.”

  I practically threw myself into his arms, tears burning my eyes at the endearment. I wanted to belong to him so badly it scared me. What if he was wrong and he couldn’t deal with me? What if I wasn’t over the last breakup and I fell apart all over again? What if he wasn’t the One? Could I find the will to go on without him after learning how he sounded when he came?

  He squeezed me hard, as though he thought he could silence all my anxieties with a hug. “My home is your home. I’ll see you in less than twenty-four hours. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  I didn’t get a kiss, but he did press his mouth to my ear and whisper one last naughty bit to tide me over until he came home. “See how many toys you can find. If you’re very good, I’ll use them all.”

  Chapter Four

  I jerked awake, heart pounding. For a moment I didn’t remember where I was. After Charlie had left for the airport, I’d stared at his perfectly made bed and imagined burying my face in his pillow. But in the end, I’d decided it’d be too presumptuous to sleep there without him my first night, so I’d chosen the guest room. Sheba had sniffed at me in disdain and demanded I open the master’s door for her. I’d left both doors open in case she changed her mind later. I could see her big form outlined in the hallway as she bristled at something toward the sliding glass door.

  She growled again, a deep snarl that I’d never heard from her before.

  My phone started ringing, scaring the crap out of me all over again. I grabbed it off the nightstand and checked the number before answering.

  “Charlie?”

  “Where are you?”

  His voice was hard and clipped, each word heavy and echoing with menace. He didn’t sound like the man with the dimple and cute curls. “The...the guest room,” I stuttered. “Sheba’s growling. I think someone’s at the back door.”

  “Grab her collar and tell her ‘guard.’ Then take her into my bedroom. Do it now, Ranay. As quietly as you can.”

  A thousand questions crowded my mind but I leapt from bed to do as he ordered. How had he known something was going on? Why would someone try to break into the house? Did they know he was gone? I whispered to Sheba and she immediately relented and allowed me to take her back into the bedroom. “I’m there.”

  “Good. Shut the door and lock it. Sheba’s with you?”

  “Yes.” My fingers trembled but I locked the door. “What’s going on?”

  “Open the large cabinet in the corner and turn on the monitor inside. I have an extensive alarm system wired into the house, but I didn’t turn it on because I didn’t want you to have to mess with it alone. I’m activating it now, so don’t open a single door or window again until I give you the all clear, or every police officer in a twenty-mile radius is going to be headed your way.”

  He didn’t need a television in his living room when he had a NASA computer in his bedroom. A large flat-screen monitor sat on the shelf with what looked to be at least three hard drives below. I hit the power switch on the monitor, afraid I’d have to restart one of the computers, but it immediately flashed to an image of the backyard.

  “Something triggered the motion sensors inside the fence, but not close enough to the house to trigger the lights.”

  His voice was still so hard and distant it scared me more than the thought of someone trying to sneak into the house. “A...a cow?”

  “Wrong side of the fence.” He sounded distracted, a hundred million miles away. I wished I could see his face and reassure myself that he was the Charlie I knew, Sheba’s Charlie, the kind and tender man I wanted to belong to. “Bigger than a wild animal. Smart enough not to come into the yard and set
off the lights. I’m scanning the other cameras but I don’t see anything. Is Sheba calm now?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself. I was freezing and I had to pee. Bad. But even if I emptied my bladder and climbed under a pile of blankets, I’d still be shivering. “She’s lying on the bed.”

  His breath sighed out. “Good. Then the danger has passed.”

  Danger? The last thing I’d expected when I drifted off to sleep was danger. If he were here playing master, sure. Danger was part of the game.

  “I know you’re scared, Ranay. I’m sorry I’m not there to explain what’s going on. As soon as I’m home, we’ll talk, okay? I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Try to get some sleep and I’ll see you in a few hours. I’ll try to move my flight up.”

  Sleep? I glanced at my watch, surprised to see it was only two. I’d only been asleep a couple of hours, but I was wide awake. “Is the alarm still on?”

  “Yes, but I’ll shut it off at dawn. See the panel by the door? If it’s blinking red, don’t even jiggle the handle. I don’t think anyone’s going to bother you again tonight, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

  “Can I use the bathroom?” I hated the quiver in my voice. I hated the fact that even though I had no idea what kind of business he was involved in, I wanted him here so I wouldn’t be afraid. What kind of man had a security system so rigorous that he’d known someone intruded on his property before his dog barked while a thousand miles away?

  “Of course. The bathroom door isn’t wired. If Sheba wakes you again, call me. You should have been with her in my bed anyway.”

  The hint of reproach in his voice made me hang my head, though he couldn’t see me. “I didn’t think it was right if you weren’t here.”

  “My home is your home, Ranay. Now I’m sorry, but I have to go.” I heard voices in the distance. What kind of business was he doing in the middle of the night? “I’m monitoring the alarm system. If a bunny farts in the yard, I’ll know about it, okay? So don’t worry. Get some sleep and dream about me.”

  I hung up and hit the bathroom, but sleep was the furthest thing from my mind. I needed answers. I needed to know what kind of work he was doing in New York at two o’clock in the morning. Why he had a state-of-the-art security system and a mighty big dog when he lived in a rural area with very little crime. Did he have enemies? Could he be involved in some kind of gang? Drugs? Some kind of government black ops? He could be pretty scary when he wanted to be.

  Springfield was a pretty tame city compared to Kansas City and St. Louis, certainly not known for violence. Or maybe I was just a naive fool.

  Sheba lay on the bed, seemingly relaxed, but she kept a careful eye on me while I started snooping in earnest. It made me feel guilty as hell. He’d told me to look for toys, but now I was looking for hints to his job and life too. I looked under the bed first, not expecting to find anything but the ubiquitous box of goodies any dominant kept around for a scene. I couldn’t even find a dust bunny, let alone some handcuffs or a crop. Now I was starting to wish I’d been brave enough to search for his toys before I’d headed to bed the first time. Nothing hid in the nightstand but condoms, Kleenex, and an e-reader. I was tempted to fire it up and see what he preferred to read, but I was afraid he’d come home to find me reading and I still wouldn’t know anything about him.

  There wasn’t much to find in the walk-in closet either. His clothes were neatly hung, but he didn’t match up coats to pants. The top shelf was too high for me to reach—and likely a stretch for him too—so I didn’t dare explore without a step ladder. Most of it looked like sports equipment and storage items anyway. Anything he used regularly wouldn’t be stored up high.

  He had more shoes than I did. Five pairs of running shoes. I guess that’s why he was so lean. Ugh. I hope he doesn’t expect me to start running with him.

  Until I could hit the rest of the house, there wasn’t much more to explore other than the cabinet with all the security equipment. I was afraid to mess things up too much. For all I knew, I’d make a satellite blow up somewhere if I hit the wrong button. I pulled open the top drawer and was rewarded with several pamphlets, travel guides from all over the world, and photos. Most of the people were the same small group of five. On the back, he’d carefully recorded the place and date. Sudan. Kuwait. Honduras. Three men and two women wearing scrubs in most of the pictures. Doctors?

  At the bottom of the drawer, I found the key that explained it all. Charlie stood in this picture with the entire group in a sunny place that made me think Africa. The others wore the same scrubs, but he was dressed all in black, like tonight. The gun on his hip held me frozen in shock.

  A gun.

  But he was smiling at the camera and they all looked happy and comfortable with each other. The casual way he stood with his hand on one of the other men’s shoulder, the way the women tucked their heads together—it all screamed of friendship. I had a hard time believing the people in that picture were to be feared in any way. I flipped the picture over to see where it’d been taken, and I had my answer.

  Doctors Without Borders, our first mission, Dec. 1, 2014.

  Everything clicked into place and I let out a long breath, all my fear dissolving in a rush of pride. This man I could definitely match to Charlie. I could totally see him risking his life to help other people. It also explained why we boarded Sheba so often. He traveled widely for his work. It was dangerous too. More and more, humanitarian groups were forced to withdraw from troubled areas to protect their staff. I wasn’t sure if he was some type of engineer or solely security. I didn’t know if the alarm tonight had been related to his job or merely a random incident. It didn’t matter now.

  I climbed into bed beside Sheba and buried my face in the pillows, searching until I found the one that smelled the most like him. Then I hugged the pillow tight to my body, wishing I could wrap myself around him. Need that I’d denied for ages throbbed through my body, demanding release. I could get myself off but it wouldn’t be the same.

  I wanted his hands on my flesh, his fingers hard and unforgiving, his eyes boring into mine. His energy blazing through my mind, demanding my surrender. I wanted my skin raw with sensation, whether from pain or pleasure I didn’t care.

  I’d been numb and frozen and scared for so long.

  Now I wanted to hurt with feeling. Until my skin felt too tight to contain it all. I wanted to ache from head to toe with the need to be filled.

  By him and him alone.

  Sheba stood up and walked around in a circle until she was finally happy and nudged closer. She was huge and heavy, forcing me to squirm back a little to give her what was evidently her favorite spot in the bed. It was hard to imagine there’d be room enough for me once the master was home.

  Maybe I’ll end up on top of him. That made me smile as I drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Five

  “Now that’s a sight I could get used to.”

  I lifted my head, so groggy I couldn’t decide if it was light outside. Had I slept straight through the day and Charlie was home already?

  Sheba bounded off the bed, yipping with excitement. Why hadn’t she barked when he pulled into the garage or opened the door? Then I could have swiped a brush through my hair or gargled a little mouthwash. Instead here I sat, gaping like an idiot and horrified I’d slept the entire day. I hadn’t taken his dog out for a walk or fed her or anything.

  But then I finally got a good look at the numbers on my watch. It was only a little after ten. Not horribly late. Certainly way earlier than he’d expected to return. “Is everything okay?”

  “We’ll see.” Unshaven and haggard, he studied me. If he’d been doing business at two and flown back, then he hadn’t gotten any sleep. “Let me put Sheba out and we’ll talk. I’ll just be a minute. She usually runs the property to check things out, and after last night, I want her to see what she can find.”

  I nodded, unable to gauge his mood. I didn’t know him well enoug
h yet. He didn’t seem angry, exactly, but he was far from the sexy man I’d threatened to welcome home by opening his pants as soon as he walked in the door. He’d barely even smiled.

  As soon as he left the room, I jumped up, grabbed my bag and headed for the bathroom. I’d at least get rid of the morning breath. Either way I’d be prepared, whether he wanted a let’s-take-this-to-the-next-level kiss or a please-don’t-ever-bother-me-again goodbye. I winced at myself in the mirror. I should have worn something sexier than a tank top and pajama pants. I’d gone for comfort, not sex appeal. My hair was a ratty, tangled mass.

  I heard him returning, so I stepped back into the bedroom just as he came in. I paused in the doorway, unsure what I should do. I didn’t want to dive for my clothes like a shy little virgin, but the energy between us didn’t feel right. He strode back into the room and I searched his face, but he’d banked last night’s desire.

  “At least you can look me in the eye.” With a tired sigh, he sat on the edge of his bed. “That’s an improvement from yesterday at the clinic. I’m glad we haven’t gone back to you avoiding me completely.”

  “I’m not avoiding you.” To prove my point, I stepped closer to him, though I was still nervous enough about my appearance that I kept smoothing my hair to try to tame the bedhead. “I’m just confused. I didn’t expect you back so early. Some dog sitter I made. I didn’t even get her breakfast yet.” I laughed a little, hoping to ease his mood, but he still watched me with those sad brown eyes. “Did something bad happen?”

  “Yes, very bad. You were scared last night.” His jaw worked and he glared as if he was mad at me for having the audacity to be afraid. “You were scared of me.”

  I went down to my knees beside him and took his big hands in mine. “I didn’t know what was going on, that’s all. Did you find out what set the alarm off?”